Parenthood Induced Anxiety

Becoming a parent pretty much changes almost every single aspect of your life. It ranges from the simple things like how you go grocery shopping to the bigger things like the way you think about everything. For me, before children, I was pretty much one of the easiest going people I knew. I rarely worried about anything. After kids has been quite a different tale. Parenthood and anxiety are just two words that seem to go together oh so well.

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I now consider myself to be an anxious person. I don’t think I have any kind of serious disorder and it’s not anything that I can’t manage on my own. It’s just a complete 180 from where I was emotionally before I had children. There is so much more to worry about now and so much more to lose than there was before.

First, I worry about myself more. I worry about what I’m eating. I worry about how much I’m exercising. I worry about getting enough sleep so I’m not too tired to play with them or take care of them. Okay, who am I kidding? I am a mother of two young children. I could sleep for an entire week and still not be completely caught up. I just know that my children need their mommy and I need to make sure I’m taking the best possible care of myself to make sure that they have me for as long as possible.

Next, the anxiety with having children is just ridiculous. Just on a daily basis some of my concerns can be:

  • Did the kids get enough milk and water today? Are they hydrated?
  • Did they eat enough? How much of that food they ate was actually something reasonably good for them?
  • Is this toddler ever going to eat anything healthy in general?
  • Sleep habits are something that every parent deals with I’m sure. I have issues with crabby kids who won’t nap and then if they do fall asleep for a nap, it’s late and then they have trouble going to bed at a decent time. This is a cause of anxiety for me.
  • I want to go get the mail but I also don’t want my child to run out in the street and get hit by a car because sometimes he has issues listening to me.
  • I want to shower in peace but if I go in there and close the door they’re probably going to find some type of poison that I don’t know is in the house and drink it.

I feel like children are basically on a suicide mission and it’s our jobs as parents to try to prevent them from doing things like hanging themselves on the curtains or eating an entire bottle of pain relievers. You turn your back for 1/2 of a second and they’re into something they shouldn’t be. All of this is a huge cause for anxiety since you pretty much have you be on your toes at all times with toddlers around.

I’m sure it’ll get better as they grow. Actually, as I say that I think about all the stress parents go through when their kids are in school. Oh, and then when they’re driving. It’s a lifetime of worry from here on out.

Thank god for wine.

Guilty Pleasure Television

I don’t have a ton of time in my day to watch TV. Plain and simple, there are a ton of other things like children, pets, and a home that take up most of my time. It’s not that I don’t want to binge watch things on Netflix, it’s that I just can’t.

There are a few exceptions though. I have my guilty pleasure shows that I’ll record and miss sleep to watch. I’ll be the first to admit it,  they’re quite pathetic.

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1 // The Bachelor or Bachelorette

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I’ll stay up and watch this show every single Monday night. If I don’t, I’ll end up seeing spoilers on Facebook and then I’ll be mad that I didn’t see it happen in real time. I have no idea why I’m so drawn to the drama and I’m not sure I really even really believe in “the process.” Do I believe in love at first site? Kind of. Do I think that you can convince yourself that you’re in love while the man you love is dating other women for the sake of cameras being in your face? Absolutely.

2 // Teen Mom

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It’s like a train wreck that I don’t want to stop watching. I’ll watch every single season that comes on regardless of how much I don’t really want to see it. I can’t help but follow the ridiculousness that is Teen Mom.

3 // Big Brother 

bigbrother.jpgBig Brother is one of my favorite parts about summer. It’s quite the commitment since it’s on 3 times a week but I make it work. I don’t know what it is about watching strangers in a house play games and kick each other out that is so fascinating to me. I love watching them form relationships then self destruct in order to try to win some cash. It’s amazing what people will do for a little bit of money and fame.

4 // Shameless 

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Shameless is by far my favorite “adult” show. If you haven’t seen it, go watch it NOW! It’s hilarious, heartbreaking, and totally screwed up. If you think your life is tough… This show gives you a run for your money.

So, as you can see I watch a bunch of garbage. I love it and that’s why it’s my guilty pleasure.

 

I’m 30.

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If you’re reading this, I’m officially 30 years old. As of January 11th, 2016, I’ve been gracing the world with my presence for 30 years. I had quite the panic about this age for reasons that I can’t quite put my finger on. I’ve just kind of been dreading being out of my 20’s.

When I was younger, thirty always seemed so far away and so much older. I’d think of 30 year olds as these REAL ADULTS with mortgages, husbands / wives, children, careers, and responsibilities. Then in the past few months, I sat back and realized that is my life. I am a “real adult”  and have been for a while now. Nothing is changing except my age with this big birthday. I’ll still be the same person I was at 29.

I’ve readjusted my thinking pattern and I’m now excited for the next decade! In honor of my birthday, I’ve created a little bucket list of things that I want to happen in my 30’s.

  1. In my 30’s my husband and I will decide if we’re going to expand our family once again or call it complete with the two monsters we have.
  2. Take the kids to Disney as a family vacation.
  3. Go on a trip with just my husband and I as a very delayed honeymoon.
  4. Retire out our old piece of crap car and upgrade to something that doesn’t sound like a lawn mower.
  5. Learn to sew. I have the materials but not a clue how to use them.
  6. Do some major upgrades to our house. I really want a new bathroom, a new bedroom design, and IF we decide on one more baby, another room.

I have a feeling my thirties are going to be jam packed, completely chaotic and busy, but a complete blast.

Oh, and of course it wouldn’t be a 30th birthday without this video from 13 going on 30…

New Year, New You?

Here we are on the very last day of 2015. When we all wake up tomorrow morning it’ll be a new year and to some people that means a fresh start. I like to think of it as a small chance at a new beginning of sorts. Personally, it’s not about forgetting what happening the previous year but building on it and becoming that much more awesome the next year. I’m all about anything that brings positive motivation to people so why not use the new year as that advantage. Just be realistic…

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I can not stand the resolutions that are completely out of the realm of realistic possibly. I’m probably guilty of starting a few, but I feel like that it setting yourself up for complete failure.  For example, “I’m going to lose 75 pounds in January.” This is an actual resolution that I saw floating around on a thread. Setting a goal to get in shape and lose some weight is amazing but don’t be crazy. 75 pounds in a month is probably going to kill you. [I’m really hoping this was a typo]

Seriously, shoot for the stars and sayings like that are motivational, I just personally like being a bit more realistic about what my goals are. I don’t want to be completely stressed out about something in my life and drag myself down trying to get there. I’m not afraid of failure but I am afraid of wanting things that are not obtainable. Example: “I’m not going to yell at my children at all in 2016.” HA, that’s not going to happen. I’m human and the mother of two toddlers. My goal is edited to look more like “I’m going to have more patience with my children in 2016.” You see where I’m going with this?

So this is a look at my list of things for 2016 that I’m going to work on:

  1. As mentioned, I’m going to try to have more patience with my children this year. They drive me bonkers at time and I need to sit back and remember they’re toddlers.
  2. I’m going to make more time for myself and my hobbies even if it means losing a little sleep.
  3. I’m going to go to the gym at least once a week even if it’s just my yoga class. I want to be able to touch my toes by 2017.
  4. I’m going to get more organized with my blog and work out a schedule of when to write and what to post when.
  5. I’m going to spend more quality time with the kids doing things like crafts and playing outdoors when it’s nice out.
  6. I’m going to learn to be more efficient with photoshop.
  7. I’m going to learn how to use my DSLR camera on manual mode.
  8. I’m going to aim for a minimum of once a month date nights with my husband minus children.

I feel like all of these things are obtainable and realistic. Some of them are definitely challenging for me but hey, that’s okay. I’m up for the challenge.

I’m not trying to be a new me, I’m just trying to be a better me.

Family Pictures… With Toddlers

It’s seriously nearly impossible for us to get a good family picture with 2 toddlers. I see all of these gorgeous family shots floating around on Pinterest and Facebook and think to myself, “How in the hell did they get the kids to sit still and smile?” Not happening for us.

A good friend of mine helped us out by taking our family pictures this year for our Christmas cards. He’s an amazing photographer and the issue wasn’t with him or his skills. It was purely my children [and fine, me] that just plain stink in front of the camera sometimes.

Seriously, take a look.

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I forgot to take off my sunglasses and Aria decided this moment was the perfect moment to discover her tongue. In almost every single one of these shots Aria is twisting her tongue around in weird ways.

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Here we have a great example of the parents getting the right idea and the kids having no idea where to look; regardless of the fact that there were 6 people standing behind the camera trying to get the kids attention.

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Matt looks like he’s about to give me a wedgie. Aria decided she wanted to jump out of my arms. Everett is concerned. This pretty much sums up our family and I almost used this on my card this year.

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QUICK! Everett do your boy thing and touch your pee pee and no one look at the camera. Perfect.

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Here’s why I needed sunglasses. I have the worlds most sensitive eyes when it comes to light [as do my kids] so if there is even a little bit of sun… I can’t see.

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& of course there’s that ONE that’s almost perfect… Until you look at Aria’s face.

So regardless of all of these “bloopers” we did manage to get a few shots that went out on our Christmas cards this year. I just figured it would be a lot more fun for people to get a few laughs rather than see our smiling happy faces.

… because really, this is life with Toddlers. It’s full of bloopers but quite hilarious.

Adult Hand Foot Mouth

Lets talk about by far the worst virus I’ve ever experienced.

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About 3-4 days after traveling on an airplane, my daughter broke with a horrific fever. I had no idea what was going on. I ended up taking her to the emergency room where they told me she either had a viral infection in her throat or it was going to turn out to be hand, foot, and mouth disease. Well, unluckily for us, it was.

24 hours later her fever broke and the spots started appearing. By that time she was acting completely fine. We travelled back home and almost the minute we pulled into the driveway, I started feeling “off.”

I woke up the next day unable to move my body. I was in so much pain that I could hardly bend my joints. I took my temperature and sure enough, 103.5. I knew then I had contracted it but wanted to make a doctors appointment just to be sure since I didn’t have any spots just yet.

They tested me for a few things before agreeing that it was probably going to turn out to be the dreaded Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease. My doctor had told me that it was really rare for adults to catch it but definitely not impossible. I was just that lucky. 

My husband was off work that day so I got to sleep pretty much the entire day away. I thought when I woke up I would be feeling much better but I felt 10 x worse than I did before. It was the worst body pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life, a horrible headache, a really high fever, chills, and nausea.  Like my daughter, about 24 hours later, my fever broke. I thought, “YES! I’ll be all rainbows and sunshine like she was.” Nope. The rash started.

 

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Apparently in children the rash isn’t painful but in adults it’s incredibly painful and even more itchy. I seriously contemplated cutting my own hands off they burned so badly. Nothing was even coming close to touching the pain. For two straight nights the only way I could sleep is if I was holding onto ice packs. As soon as the ice packs melted, I was awake and in horrific pain again. I think I got a total of 4 hours of sleep in those two days. I was never so miserable in my life.

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The rash doesn’t only stay on your hands and your feet either like it usually does with children. Mine decided it would be a good idea to creep all the way up my right arm. Luckily, that part didn’t itch as badly but it still was quite uncomfortable.

So, now here I am writing this post 3 weeks later. I’m now dealing with the final step of this virus, which is the peeling and nails falling off. Yup, you read that right. There is a good chance that I will end up loosing some fingernails and toenails. Half the skin on my thumb is currently peeling off. I feel like a leper.

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I wouldn’t wish this virus on my worst enemy.

So to sum it up for everyone; this is what I learned about Adult Hand Foot Mouth:

  • It starts out with a high fever and body aches that closely resembles the flu.
  • Once your fever breaks, your body breaks out in a rash.
  • That rash is going to be horribly painful and itchy. Ice packs are the only thing that will help you. I couldn’t even sleep when on a high dose of sleep drugs and pain medications.
  • Your skin will peel and your nails might fall off.
  • You’re going to look awful for a while.
  • There is really not much you can do to prevent it except washing your hands really well and avoiding public areas.
  • If you’ve had it as a child, you’re less likely to contract it again as an adult.
  • They need to come up with a vaccine for this crap.
  • It’ll all be over in a short 6-8 weeks. URGH.

My First Fix With Stitch Fix

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** I have not been paid or endorsed for this review. All opinions are mine and everything in this post was paid for by myself.

I have been dying to try out Stitch Fix for quite sometime. I don’t necessarily have a problem with choosing clothes for myself but I love the element of surprise that comes along with it. My extremely curious nature wanted to see what someone else would pick out for me based on my answers from a fairly vague questionnaire.

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To sum it up, I loved what I got. The clothes were totally my style. The problem was mainly that everything was too big. Apparently I don’t know my size unless I try it on.

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Item 1: These adorable earrings. I really like them but I didn’t end up keeping them because chances are my daughter would just end up ripping them out of my ears. Price: $28

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Item 2: I was so tempted to keep this. This tee was unbelievably soft but it hung just a little too loose on me. Price: $48

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Item 3: This top was a lot cuter on me then it is on the hanger but I didn’t end up keeping it because I really don’t know where I’d end up wearing it. Again, It was also slightly too big. Price: $48

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Item 4: There is something about an oversized cardigan that totally wins me over. I just couldn’t justify spending this much on it. Price: $68

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Item 5: These distressed skinny jeans were amazing. I have a pair really similar and these were again, a size too big. I would have kept them if they would have fit a little snugger because I really believe you can’t have too many good pairs of jeans. Price $88

Everything retails for $280 but if you choose to purchase all 5 items you get a 25% discount which would have cost me $190 out of pocket. Since I didn’t purchase anything I ended up losing out on $20. As sad as it sounds, the $20 I lost was kind of worth the whole experience for me and I will eventually be doing another fix.

 

My OCS: Obsessive Cleaning Schedule

It’s really no secret that I like things clean. I just enjoy organization, cleanliness, and the feeling of accomplishment that I get that comes from maintaining a tidy house. My two kids and my work schedule keep me pretty busy so I needed to find a way to fit in all the work that I wanted to done into something that wouldn’t be so time consuming on a daily basis.

I came across this image on Facebook that originated on Imgur. Apparently it was created by a man and the internet went into a bit of an uproar that men actually clean and tore the list apart. Whatever. That’s not why I decided to save it. I used it as a sort of a template to create my very own personalized cleaning list.

So, this is what my cleaning schedule looks like:

Cleaning ScheduleI starting using this “system” just a few weeks back and it’s been working fantastic. Because of the fact that I’m keeping up on stuff a lot more I have way less to do on a daily basis. I think I spend between an hour and an hour and a half of my day completing my list. This list is super personalized to me so I encourage everyone to just see what works for them. Figure out what tasks you have that get tedious and try to do a little at a time so it seems less overwhelming.

Shoe Porn: My Obsession with Tieks

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This is probably one of the most pathetic things that I’m ever going to go ahead and admit to everyone on internetland. I’m obsessed with something that I don’t even own. I’m absolutely in love with a pair of shoes that I’ve only just tried on. I’m talking about Tieks.

I feel in love almost instantly when I watched my friend Candy unbox a pair live on Periscope.  The box was adorable. The flats were amazing. I had to have them. After watching her video, I immediately went to the website. That’s when I was like “ohhhh, hell no!” They run about $195. I’m pretty cheap. I don’t like spending a lot of money on myself because I feel like the minute I do, something catastrophic is going to happen where we’ll need every extra penny that we have. I just couldn’t do it. 

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That’s basically where the obsession began. I couldn’t stop thinking about these shoes! I would show them to my friends and co-workers and ask, “Should I just buy them?” I think I was waiting for someone to slap me upside the head and tell me to just order them already and shut up; which I’m sure my husband is going to do shortly after this post goes live.

The truth is, I look at the website at least once a week dreaming on which color I’m going to order. I think once I finally decide, that’s when I’ll take the plunge. Seriously, I know this sounds crazy and is totally first world problem status, but I just had to share. Tieks are my version of being a porn addict.

And for all of you who do think it’s crazy to spend $200 on ballet flats, do not try them on. I repeat, do not. I promise you that you’ll find yourself in the same exact spot that I’m sitting in right now. Contemplating spending a decent chunk of money on shoes. They’re adorable. They feel like slippers. They’re trendy; seriously, their marketing team is genius. I’m just generally obsessed.

Oh, and I’m leaning towards coral but I’m not excited about the shine to it. HA. See, the struggle is real.

The Mis-Adventures of Caillou’s Head

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If you don’t know who Caillou is, consider yourself lucky. He’s got to be one of the most annoying children to ever make his debut on television in our homes. My son had a very brief obsession with him and when I absolutely needed him to be quiet for something important, I would put an episode on. We were gifted a set of toys from the show which included Caillou, his sister, the family cat, and some weird dinosaur that I’m not sure where he came into play. The pieces were all interchangeable. For example, you could make Caillou have the cats body. Well, like any toy in our house; pieces went missing and would suddenly appear in weird places.

*Note, this post took me months to create since I had to wait for him to keep making his appearance. The situations in this story are horrifically genuine. He will go missing for weeks and just pop up in one of these various locations.

This is our journey with Caillou’s head.

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I found him one morning during the hustle and bustle of getting ready to head out the door in my half empty cold coffee. The kids are always putting things in my cups but this was quite the annoying surprise.

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I went to turn down the bed to go to sleep one night and I had a very unwelcome visitor. My husband must have made the bed that day because he is notorious for making it with toys still entangled in the sheets.

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Oh, you’ve got to run off to work? Might want to try a different pair of shoes.

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This is more of an appropriate place for him if he can’t make his way into the trash. I went to scoop the cat poop and there he was. I don’t know WHY I bleached him and put him back into the toy room. I’m thinking it was solely for this post because this is one of the first places he creeped up on me in.

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Apparently Calliou is much like every toddler and can’t leave you alone when you go to the bathroom.

Update: It has been 2.5 weeks since my last Calliou sighting. I’m convinced he has made his way into the trash but I don’t know if I’m that lucky. I’ll update again if he pops up anywhere strange again.