Everybody Has a Butt Crack

I obviously can’t go back and remember the first time that I learned all the little things that I know. I forget that my children are just children sometimes and are discovering this huge world little by little and minute by minute. That means that they’re also discovering their bodies. This past week my two-and-a-half year old son learned about “butt cracks.”

buttcrackIt’s not uncommon for my son to wake up a while before my daughter does. In attempt to keep him quiet and let her sleep a little longer, I often go into his bedroom and talk about the day or read him a few stories. This particular morning was nothing out of the ordinary of that routine. We’re slowly working on potty training so he asked me to take off his diaper that he wore overnight. Sure, no problem kid. I usually talk to my kids through diaper changes to keep their attention and try to prevent them from flopping around like a fish out of water. So I said to him, “wow, your butt crack looks a little red, does it hurt?” That’s when all hell broke loose.¬†

Apparently the only two words he heard from that sentence were “butt” and “crack” because he immediately started asking why his butt was cracked and why he was broken. This is a little glimpse into what the conversation went like:

Everett: Why is my butt cracked? What’s wrong?
Me: Nothing’s wrong! It’s normal. Everyone has a butt crack!
Everett: Oh, so you have one?
Me: Yup.
Everett: Daddy has one?
Me: Yup.
Everett: Aria has a little crack?
Me: *giggle* Yup, she has a baby crack.
Everett: OH NO, Don’t worry Momma, I’ll fix ’em all up!
Me: You don’t need to fix anything! That’s how our butt’s are supposed to be.
Everett: NO MAMA, *tears of defeat* WE’RE BROKEN.

He then got quite antsy until I took him downstairs and let him get his tools. I’m not kidding the kid ran down the stairs as fast as he could and went straight to his tool bench. He got out his hammer and made me turn around so he could fix me. He handed me the hammer and told me to fix him. This process repeated itself practically all morning until he decided that he was over it.

I guess in my day to day speech to my toddler, I need to keep in mind that words are taken extremely¬†literally. I’d probably be terrified if someone told me that I was cracked too. I get it, kid, I get it.